So where am I now?

Well I'm no longer working, which is scary as shit. I'm freelance so its always a risk, but in 10 years, its only happened once before. And at that time I'd just completed an 18 month project earning mega bucks so I had a rather fat nest egg to keep me company during my days of leisure. This time around I've just completed the worst paid job I've ever done, while living in the most expensive place I've ever lived, which is a rather piss poor combination I think you'll agree.

One thing that hurt more than I expected was learning that a key reason for my contract not being renewed was the fact that I'm trans. I'm sure there were a number of other reasons too. I've not exactly been the most motivated person at times, and my approach to time keeping has always been a little eccentric shall we say, but hearing that my being trans was an issue was deeply disappointing. And rather worrying too as it probably means I'll find it that much harder to find new work.

Its also rather topical, as one thing I've been pondering recently is whether I need to start making more of an effort to try and look like a man. Which is a rather bizarre thing to say I know.

You're at that awkward androgynous stage.

I still work as a guy and I cant really see that changing. But given I've put so much effort over the years into trying to look more feminine, I'd be the first to admit that I probably make a rather odd looking chap these days. In fact I can see the day fast approaching when I'll actually get more verbal abuse when walking down the street as a guy then as a girl. And even from my perspective, that's a rather odd turn of events.

As someone pointed out to me yesterday "You're at that awkward androgynous stage".

But thinking it through, its probably not so much that I don't look like a man, its that I don't look like a straight man. As surprising though it may be, that's what I am, a heterosexual male.

So I guess that can be my next pet project… can Kazza pass as a heterosexual male? lol God if you made this stuff up, no one would believe you.

Are they allowed to do that. I'm just thinking of discrimination on the grounds of gender issues. But I'm also guessing you have fewer rights in a contractor/supplier situation.

Anyway, hope you find a new project to get your teeth into real soon.

In the meantime, have a virtual hug.

I was on a rolling contract that had been renewed a number of times, so I've been there for over three years. It had been a soul destroying experience, so I'm hopeful things will work out for the better in the long run.

Maybe, it's time for you to change from being an androgynous man to being the beautiful woman you are! I realy bet, you'd get no funny stares at all, if you decide to go en-femme full time now, not overdoing it, just like a normal yet beautiful woman (and maybe you will get stares then because of this). Perhaps, you and possible new contractors will even find less discomfort then. And about being a heterosexual man, hey, start think about being a lesbian woman......?! (or a translesbian or whatever you might call it)

Labels tend to make me cringe, I have a huge dislike for putting people in boxes. So I'll stick to "heterosexual male". I will never have SRS or to use the modern term "genital surgery" so its as good a term as any.